It starts with me saying something like "by the way, Noah is going to be sleeping over tonight". (Noah is our 4 year old nephew). Or one day telling K that I have invited family over for dinner. Because I just assume he is going to be ok with it. He never says anything; never says he is too tired or doesn't feel up to company. I just take it for granted and make the plans without consulting him first.
That is the topic Sara Horn talks about in My So Called Life As a Submissive Wife: making decisions before even considering what our husbands think. In her situation, she took a job without talking to her husband about it. It's the feeling of wanting to be independent and making decisions ourselves. That we can handle what we take on. The chapter I read really convicted me about how I handle decisions with K.
The problem with this way of thinking is that we don't trust our husbands to lead. I think we are assuming that by consulting them about things that involve us it's like asking for permission. But, it's not asking for permission...it's having enough respect for our spouse to include them in on what we are thinking about doing. Because it ultimately involves them too. As a married couple, we should make decisions together.
Horn is right when she states that by not trusting our husbands to lead, we interfere with their roles as head of the house. We have to give up the want to control everything. Do you struggle with that? I know I do. By allowing them to lead, we are being obedient to God. Sometimes this is really hard, because we are afraid of where they will lead us. What if they lead us somewhere we don't want to go?
That is where trust comes in. And if they do fail, it's our jobs to be there to lift them up. It is the perfect picture of Christ's love for us. We put our trust and faith in Him and even though we fall and may try to handle it ourselves, He is there to catch us and lift us up again.
On a side note, I have noticed a difference between the author and me. She is career driven; I am not. I love my job as a preschool teacher for 3 year olds, but it's part time and I like it that way. Not only is she a wife and a mother, but she was also going to grad school and worked 25+ hours a week. Not that there is anything wrong with that...in a way I envy her. I admire anyone who has the strength to go back to school and further their knowledge to become what they want to be. I know of two family members right now that have two children and are going to school also. And one of those two is about to take on a job as well. I completely admire their determination. I just don't have the heart to go back to school...even though I would like to. The author was able to be a copy editor...which is something I always wanted to do. It's one reason when I started college I majored in mass communications. I had always wanted to write for a magazine or newspaper. But I quickly realized that I am more creative in my writing and newspaper writing is very different and structured. Then I realized my calling late in life: I wanted to be a librarian. With my love for books and knack for organizing, I would have been a great librarian. But, I would have had to go back to school for my masters and it costs a lot of money we didn't have.
But I know now God called me to work with children. And I love it. I always had a heart for teaching, but I didn't know where. And I have a degree in general studies, but I didn't want to go back to school to get certified. After many doors were shut in my face, God opened the door for me to work at Children's Day Out. I couldn't see working anywhere else. I love my little 3 year olds.
What about you? Do you think twice before making a decision? Do you include your significant other in on the decision? What works for you?
Until next time, have a great day!