Friday, July 24, 2015

The Ultimate Marriage Vow...

I love to read. I know I have mentioned that before...but I want you to understand how deep that love for reading goes.
It started in 1st grade. There was this program called "SRA" and it was to encourage recreational reading as well as our development in learning to read. The minute I picked out my first book, I was hooked. I wanted to learn how to read so I could read every book I could get my hands on. I quickly learned that I don't just read...I am in the book. In elementary school, I was a part of the babysitter's club, I went through all the horrors in the Goosebumps series, and I was a Sweet Valley girl. (Does anyone remember the Sweet Valley Twins?  I read all the junior books!)


When I hit high school, I was teased for reading so much, but instead of it bothering me; I became rebellious. I read all the time and I made sure they saw me reading. Fear Street was my favorite series. I majored in English in college so I could study literature. (I'll be honest, I like pop culture fiction better. But I do love Huckleberry Finn and Frankenstein. I have read those at least twice.)


Now you can find me reading 3 books at one time! I love being able to just sit and read for hours. Now I love reading autobiographies, fantasy (especially anything supernatural), children's and some young adult fiction, anything that catches my attention. 
What does this have to do with marriage? I have grown to love reading all about marriage and have made it my quest to find good marriage books. And, I have a new review for you. 


I have read Darlene Schacht before and really enjoyed her book, The Good Wife's Guide. Her website, timewarpwife.com, is amazing, so I was looking forward to reading another book by her. And this one didn't disappoint. She made vows for 21 days to make her marriage better. She incorporated personal stories about her and her husband and how each vow would make her a better wife and how we could also make them our own vows. Since this was a 21 day challenge, I read each vow daily. Some of these vows really made me evaluate myself, and I made some of these vows also.

"Whatever we focus on are the thoughts that will continue to grow in our minds. They can either be thoughts of adoration or bouts of frustration, but let me assure you whichever you choose to feed will certainly grow. (Ebook, Location 143)

She touches on topics of negative thinking, making friendship a priority in marriage, and praying for our husbands often. 

One point that stood out to me was her vow to to honor our husbands' role as head of house. This is so important to me as well as I talked about submission in my last post.

"Marriage, the way that God designed it, should be a reflection of our relationship as a church to Jesus Christ."  (Location 299) 

She encourages us to honor our husbands as the leaders of our home and encourage him. I agree with her wholeheartedly that we are equal partners and there are times when arguments are not our fault. But it's how we handle those situations by this vow that is what matters. She suggests being humble and taking a step back and letting him lead in order to honor God. I LOVE this and will do everything I can to practice it. 

She also addresses communication with her husband and honoring him in front of others.

Another point she made that really resonated with me is protecting his reputation. She told of a story about a job she had where after a meeting she had relayed concerns she thought would stay private, the employee went and gossiped about her. She talked about how important it is for us to protect our husband's reputations by "keeping the details where they belong-between he and I." (Location 445)

I touched on husband bashing in my previous post, but this goes further. Keeping details to ourselves and refraining from gossiping about our husbands' mistakes are so important. What happens between K and I is handled between the two of us. If we have a problem, I don't run to others and tell them all the gory details of our arguments. Sometimes, I do go to someone I deeply trust to get advice on something I don't know how to handle. But this is someone I know won't hold what I tell her against him or won't take it and tell someone else. It amazes me that many people take it to a whole different level and will "air out" their marital problems on social media! That just baffles me!

The last vow I am going to address is her vow to be a good listener.

"Practice listening with both ears. Let go of things that are on your mind so that you can be in the moment." (Location 544)

The reason I want to talk about this one is because I struggle with it. I need to remember it and write it down on my heart and in my head. I tend to be a bad listener. While K is talking, I am already planning what I want to say and how to fix his problem. Or when we are arguing, I am preparing what I am going to say instead of listening to him. I tend to interrupt while he is talking so I don't forget what I want to say. There are many ways to listen: listening to his day, listening to his point while we are arguing, listening when he needs comfort after a hard day. I have gotten a lot better about putting down what I am doing to listen. It bothers me when I am talking to someone and they are playing on their phone or texting, so I know I shouldn't do it to someone else especially my husband! There are so many places I can practice to be a good listener and a better wife. I am making this my own vow to listen to him with my whole heart and both ears.

So, what about you? What is your vow to yourself for your marriage? What will you vow to work on?  Definitely check out her book. It opened my eyes on a few things I needed to work on as a wife.

Until next time, have a great day!

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