Have you ever read the book the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman?
I plan to reread it and post a review on here...I love this book. It not only taught me about myself, but it taught me a lot about how a man thinks and what they want from their wife in terms of love. My love language is words of affirmation, which means I love above everything else words of encouragement, compliments, a simple thank you. I love when K tells me that I smell nice or he likes how I look. I struggle with my image and compliments lift my spirits and I want to know that he appreciates what he sees. I like looking nice for him. Sometimes he struggles with the compliments and I have to remind him how important it is to me, but he never fails to thank me for something I have done for him. Even if it is something small like fixing his lunch in the morning. That will set my day just right.
The reason I wanted to talk about this today is because this morning I spent sometime with God and studied the second chapter of Song of Solomon. These two lovers knew how to talk to one another and compliment each other. This chapter tackles serious topics like not rushing love and intimacy, but the main thing I appreciated about this passage was their way with words about each other.
I think communication is one of the foundations to a great marriage. I have posted about communication before, but it goes deeper than just what to talk about. It's also how we talk to each other that is so important.
"Like the finest apple tree in the orchard
Is my lover among other young men." (Song of Solomon 2:3)
The young woman is basically saying her lover is the best thing in the world to her. According to the notes, middle eastern climate is very hot and intense and a tree can provide shade and be life saving. It's also a sensual image. She continues praising him by commenting about how he is her provider and talks of the desire for their intimacy.
He responds with words of wanting to see her:
"Let me see your face;
let me hear your voice.
For your voice is pleasant,
and your face is lovely." (Song of Solomon 2:14)
I try to give K compliments often. Since it is important to me and my "love language", I convey it to him. I make sure to thank him when he does something nice for me, and if I think he looks nice, I tell him. I don't think we should keep things like that to ourselves, or "assume" they know how we feel or think. (I really struggled with this when we were first married...I had to learn the hard way that he is not a mind reader.) I don't think compliments and encouragement should stop once we are married; on the contrary, I think on our journey as husband and wife it is even more important. They need to know how important they are to us and how much they mean to us. Just because we think it, doesn't mean they know it.
Great communication also shows our respect for each other: in the way we talk to one another and even argue. I try really hard when K and I argue never to insult him or cut him down. We also don't yell. With this practice I am showing him that even though I am mad and upset, I still respect and love him. I also show respect for K by not talking badly of him to others. We all have faults and make mistakes, and gossiping about his to others is not a way to show him respect.
We can learn a lot from the language of this couple and how to communicate with each other. They used very romantic poetry which I don't expect us to use, but I got the underlying message. And that is what I really enjoyed about this chapter of Song of Solomon. It reminded me of how important it is to communicate my appreciation for K.
Until next time, have a great day!