What happened to romance??
Before I get into the topic of this post...I know I better post a disclaimer. This post will contain adult content. I was apprehensive about writing about this...but I can't have a marriage blog without talking about it. And I just want to warn you that if you don't want to read words that have to do with intimacy...you may want to stop reading this post. I will be talking about sex. I don't want to offend anyone...my goal is always to help. But I may say some things you don't agree with...and that's ok if you disagree. I hope you continue reading :)
I want to start this by saying that sex (let's call it...making love. That sounds so much better.) confuses me. I will also say I am not going to post details about K and I...some things I have to keep private for us. But I will say it confuses me. I follow Sheila Wray Gregoire, who is a brilliant Christian blogger, not afraid to talk about making love. She travels all over speaking and helping women with their marriages. I have gotten ideas for initiating, ways to flirt, what men want all posted from her...all things I struggle with. I want you to know I don't have all the answers. I struggle with what I should do, how often, if I am in the mood...the works. But there is hope for us and that's my goal with this study.
I started studying Song of Songs. We can't talk about couples of the bible and not talk about King Solomon. He wrote Song of Songs, which is a collection of poetry and romantic writing about him and his beloved; it celebrates human intimacy shared between a man and woman. I have only studied the first chapter and it is some of the best romantic words I have read. And I have read some good romances. According to the notes in my bible, Solomon was visiting vineyards as he often did and he came across a peasant woman who was working there. They scared her, causing her to run off. But Solomon could not forget her. He disguised himself as a shepherd and won her heart. He revealed his true identity and they were married. This collection of poetry follows their engagement, wedding, wedding night, and the growth of their marriage.
I love the opening line spoken from the woman; she describes how badly she can't wait to kiss her beloved again. This whole chapter describes the waiting and desire of these two lovers. What we can take away from their words is that God created passion and desire. He wants us to love our spouses physically and emotionally.I think that is the first thing to die when a couple gets comfortable and settle into routines. And I hear it's tested even more with kids, right?
How can we rekindle romance? How can we be passionate with housework, bills piling up, jobs that make us tired, and countless commitments. Well, you know how I feel about dating. That is so important for couples. I know it is important to me. But here are some other ideas to work on romance and capture what the young woman is talking about in Song of Songs...
- Kiss...Sheila Wray Gregoire suggests to kiss for 15 seconds at least once a day. Trust me...when put to practice, it works and leads to longer kisses :)
- Hold Hands...this may sound simple, but affection is crucial for us. I am blessed that K is very affectionate. He loves to hug and hold hands, which I love also. Try to make it a point to hold hands when you are walking together and hug daily!
- Appreciate how your spouse looks...One thing that the young woman is not afraid to talk about is how she desires her beloved and how attracted she is to him. Look at your spouse and remember what attracted you to them. For me, it was K's eyes. I love his eyes...they are so warm and I can get lost in them. And his smile...ok I'll stop. I'll start gushing :) While you look at your spouse, think about what you desire about them.
- Schedule that date!...I sound like a broken record, but make time for each other and only the two of you. If you have children, put them to bed early or hire a babysitter.
- Let him appreciate your body...I read something that said our bodies are the only ones that our husbands get to see...so let them enjoy it. If you struggle with your body image like I do, accept that he chose you. He loves you for who you are and he thinks you are beautiful. Embrace it! I finally have :)
- Alone time...If your schedules are really hectic, schedule some alone time together where you can be intimate. Think about it all day...prepare for it. Send each other cute texts to let them know you are thinking about them and can't wait to have them home.
Romance may be different things...you may see it as candles lit and a romantic dinner followed by a night alone. Or you may see it as a cheap date at home with Netflix movie and popcorn followed by time together on the couch. Whatever your definition of romance is, find what works for your marriage and romance your spouse. It is never too late.
Until next time...have a great day!