Thursday, July 24, 2014

The answer is...No

I have been asked a certain question that I have had to use that answer so many times. At family weddings, funerals, get togethers...and the answer has remained the same. K and I don't have children. By choice. I know...with that being said, those of you who have children are probably thinking "oh it's easy for you to say you can have a happy marriage. You don't have kids". I've heard it. Although I may not have experienced the struggles you go through when you have children and what it does to a marriage...I have seen it. I have 5 nephews and 3 nieces and have witnessed what can happen. Please understand I am not saying children bring horror to a marriage or are bad for it. But, I am sure that those of you who are married with kids would agree with me when I say that they change a marriage.  I am not saying good or bad...it just changes the way things were from before.
Let me quickly say I love children. They are the sweetest of blessings. K and I spoil our nieces and nephews rotten and love spending time with them. I also work part time during the school year at a children's day out program with 2 year olds. I really feel like God has wanted me to work with young children and be a good example to them. For the same reason I wanted to do this blog, I feel children need guidance and examples to follow that will help guide them in the right direction. there are so many horrible role models out there!  
I take my role as an example to these little ones very seriously. If they can have sense of normalcy that they don't get at home, I have accomplished something good.
And that is one reason why K I have not had children yet. I feel our attention and devotion would not be as strong if we had our own. I also am not quite ready for the responsibility. I have gotten many looks and words when I have said we are not ready:
"You are never really ready"
The you hate children look
"You have such a clean house...oh wait...you don't have kids"
"Your biological clock is ticking"
"You don't know what you are missing"
And my favorite..."Wait until you have kids, then you will understand"

All valid points. I have never experienced motherhood and I know that is a special bond and something I will never truly understand until I go through it. Maybe one day God will change my heart, but for now I am simply not ready.
I have wondered if waiting to have a baby is what God wants. I don't think he would want us to make a decision if we are not ready and the only thing I could find in the bible is Isaiah 54:1 "Sing O childless woman, you who have never given birth! Break into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, you who have never been in labor. For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband, says the Lord"
It was meant for Jerusalem, but at the time a woman who could not have children was looked down upon and it was shameful. After reading the commentary I understood that we are to praise God no matter what we are struggling through and it is in his hands. And I believe God has given me a job and little ones in my life to influence until he is ready to help us have our own.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Date Nights Part 2

 



I knew I would spend time on a few posts about dating because like I have said before, it is so crucial to a marriage. The misconception is now that you are married and you are together, the dating stops.  It should never stop!  Dating helps keep that fire lit and it also helps you have fun together and remember why you love each other.  This post will focus on fun ideas to do together while being reasonably cheap.  Give them a try!  I am going to challenge K and I to also try them. 

Before I get into the ideas, I promised I would have the story of K and I's first kiss. (it's really fun to travel down memory lane...on a night when there isn't anything on T.V...pull out your wedding album or old pictures of the two of you and laugh at how much you have changed!).

K had asked me to his prom and his military ball (he was in the JROTC at his high school).  The prom was first and on April 1, 2000 I wore a very pretty light blue sequenced dress, rode in a black limo with another couple and ate at an expensive Italian restaurant everyone else seemed to pick for their prom night. We went to the dance, but I think we danced to one song (the music wasn't that great) and after went to a friend's house to watch a couple movies before our curfews.  K drove me to my house and walked me to the door.  He gave me a hug and said good night then started walking back to his car.  I was thinking...that's it?  I go to a dance with him and not even a kiss goodnight?  I knew I really liked him and he was extremely shy...so I figured I would take matters into my own hands.  He was about to get in his car so I took a deep breath walked to him and just planted one.  After a few precious seconds, he looked at me and smiled and said "Thank you."  Then we went our separate ways. (I do not let him live it down that I kissed him first) Of course, a week later we made it official we were a couple at his military ball.

Here are some cheap at home date night ideas (for nights you can't get a sitter, can't get out, or just want to stay home etc):
1) Cook a favorite meal together
2)Play cards (go fish, rummy, UNO, anything)
3) Play board games (K and I had a fun game of scrabble the other night)
       (also fun to play: scattergories, monopoly, scene it, checkers, guess who, jenga)
4) If you are gamers...play a co-op game together (K and I love to play Lego games together. We do not quit until we have found everything! We will also do dance central together which is a lot of fun)
5) Watch funny you tube videos together
6) Ask a series of random questions (if you had a million dollars how would you spend it?  What is your favorite childhood Christmas? if you could be any character from fiction, who would you be?)
7) Read a book together
8) If you like the outdoors, bring your date outside and have a picnic on your patio. (I am not outdoorsy...I worry about things like bugs)
9) Do yard work together
10) Build a fort and watch a movie (I really want to try this one. I can see K loving this idea...he's a big kid at heart)
11) Saw this on pinterest: buy two Nerf guns and set one by the front door. When he gets home from work, hide somewhere in your house and be armed. Let the fun begin!
12) Go through old pictures together from childhood, your relationship, etc. Spend the entire evening reminiscing about the good ole days...

Here are some date ideas when you get out of the house:
1)Go to a flea market
2) Attend a local festival
3) Take selfies around town in different spots (make sure some of them are goofy)
4) Go bowling
5) Go listen to a local band you have never heard of
6)Karaoke contest
7) Putt Putt Golf
8) Go to a favorite restaurant, each order something completely different and share the food

Don't be afraid to try something different together. Sometimes those create the best memories!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Technology these days...

I tried an experiment on Saturday that half worked and I think I will be trying again.  I am too connected. Do you ever feel that way?  I misplace my cell phone sometimes and think what did I do 10 years ago before cell phones became such a necessity?  I spend a lot of time on my phone.  Whether it's checking email, facebook, or pinterest, responding to texts, answering phone calls...it's always right there by me.

Since K and I were going to spend Saturday together, I was going to try something. I have noticed that when we are watching T.V. together or out together, I will use my phone. I have gotten better about it, but it's still always there to distract me. So, Saturday morning I turned it on silent and kept it in my room with occasionally checking it to make sure no one had called or texted.  The experiment was to stay off it completely.  Well, I was able to stay completely off anything social media. And I think I will do this more often!  There was a lot of freedom to it!  Try it if you can!  Especially if you are on a date with your hubby. He's not as connected as I am...he hasn't checked his facebook in 2 years and he definitely doesn't use Pinterest. But, it made for a very nice date. We ate at one of our favorite sushi restaurants and the food was so yummy. 

Later on, I answered a couple phone calls and a text and we had our first sleepover with one of my youngest nephews.  He is almost 1.  He is so funny and very mobile crawling and pulling himself up to stand where he sees the opportunity.  He made us laugh alot.

 
K and I are also trying no t.v. two nights a week. We watch a lot of t.v. Especially in the fall. And so far it's going well.  And we are starting a bible study on Wed nights so that will help the experiment even more.  I want us to talk more and of course...have fun together.  So we'll see how it goes.
 
So my advice for today is unplug once in a while.  From whatever electronic device is distracting you.  Technology is great and I love it, but sometimes it's good to disconnect for a while and focus on something else.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Date nights...

Do you remember your first date with your significant other? Let's jump into a time machine and go back to Feb. 3, 2000. Well, before we get there we have to make a few stops. K and I were in our senior year of high school. He went to public school...I was in private. We met at our local grocery store and he bagged the groceries; I was the cashier. My first day on my first job...I was super nervous and didn't know anyone. This cute guy walks up to my register, starts bagging my groceries and introduces himself. I remember thinking...he's really cute. Of course, at the time I had a boyfriend. Who lived 6 hours away at college. I later found out from a fellow employee that K thought I had a beautiful smile. But...being the faithful girlfriend that I was (unlike the boyfriend I later learned) I became good friends with K. The kind of friend that would laugh and joke together and vent a little about the way the boyfriend treated me. All the while...K and I kept it platonic. Until almost a year later and the boyfriend and I broke up because he was seeing someone else and had been for awhile. K waited one month. Then he asked me out on his first official date. EVER. We went to the movies to see Scream 3...at the time I was a horror movie fan.

And now I can't stomach all the blood and guts. K had never even seen any of the scream movies. He was just happy I went out with him.

Do you remember the way you felt on your first date? The excitement and fun...your stomach in knots...I know mine was. I think dating is absolutely necessary in a relationship no matter how long you have been together.It keeps the relationship alive and you get to do fun things together.  Fun is such an important key with your significant other.

Here are some pointers...dress up, put your favorite outfit on and some makeup and go to your favorite restaurant. Sit and talk about things no one else would care about. Make sure to laugh. Now the kicker...do this once a week. Those of you who have children, I know that is a harder one...here are some suggestions. Put your kids to bed early and have some ice cream and a movie. If you can't make it through a whole movie, watch a favorite T.V. show. Netflix is great for that. Or get a babysitter if you can. Your marriage is worth it. Sometimes it's hard to figure out what to do...that will be a post for another day along with the story of our first kiss...

Thursday, July 10, 2014

In the beginning...

I have been having it on my mind for a while now to start a marriage blog. I knew what that might mean...getting downright personal and blunt. Let me start by saying that I am a Christian and follow biblical principles. So that may turn some of you...ok...many of you away. And I have accepted that. But for those of you that stick around...I hope I help you. Marriages today are looked at as a joke. Our generation and the one following does not know what it means to work at a marriage...stick to it until "death do you part". Yes...that is a part of the vows. I mean...we have Kim Kardashian as a role model. Something is seriously wrong with our society.

So what do I hope to accomplish with this blog? To speak to you and tell you that there is hope. Marriages are not miserable or all fighting and struggles. You can be happy and have fun together.What do I have to back that up? After 8 years of dating and 6 years married, we are each other's best friends. We have our issues and it is far from perfect, but we work through it because of one person...Jesus Christ. He is our counselor and savior. And with him, we have achieved so much.

I will talk about everything from personal experiences like our wedding, stupid fights, being a housewife, managing time, dating each other (so crucial!!) and even sex. But don't worry...I won't get too personal with that one. Some things have to stay between us. And even if you aren't married and you are in a relationship, I am targeting you too. Bottom line, I wan to help through my own experiences, biblical principles, and laughter that love and marriage do go together. Like peas and carrots. Ok...that may have been a little lame :)